3 x 12//July 2011

photos taken by Tara Whitney May 2011

Seeing that this is a place to record my thoughts and what we've been doing I feel that I need to get a little personal this month, for posterity sake :) July 2011....

We did a lot this month. We had some great times and some really hard times this month. I guess you could say that we've been on a bit of a roller coaster ride.

We visited Britney and took pictures in the Poppies, celebrated the birth of our GREAT country, went to the drive-in several times, hung out with friends, had some BBQs, went to a pool party, had a Beardshall family reunion, roasted marshmallows, had some great nights with mom and Katie, went to the days of 47 rodeo, hiked up to dog lake and had an outpouring of love and support from family and friends.

I have realized more this month how important my family really is (as if I didn't already know) and how things are not always up to us. This month we had a miscarriage.

I'm not naive enough to think something like this could never happen, just hoping it wouldn't. I think the first week was dealing with it, the second week I was really sad, now I'm ok. It's hard to have to wait even longer for something you are so excited about. I just have to remind myself that it's not the end and life moves on. Steve has been GREAT, and I feel super BLESSED to have Katy. She has made this all easier for sure. We had to go in a few times and decided it was probably a good idea to tell Katy what was going on....checking on the baby. I had an ultrasound and they were concerned I was having a possible tubal pregnancy, but couldn't tell for sure. They said I had to go to the ER if I was in pain or bleeding at all. I of course ended up in the ER and just ended up having a miscarriage....which was kind of a relief in a way (not to be a tubal pregnancy).

I was putting Katy to bed the next night and this is how our conversation went:

K: I love the baby.

A: Our baby wasn't ready to come yet. We have to get a new baby.

K: Where are the babies?

A: In heaven?

K: With Jesus?

A: Yes, they are with Jesus.

K: Will we get a new baby?

A: Yes, we will when the time is right.

K: (excitedly) Jesus is going to give our baby a hug and then send it to us!

A: Yes Jesus will give the baby a big hug and send them to us.

K: Ok. I want a new baby.

A: Me too!

Everything happens for a reason, even though it's hard to know why. I know I'm in good hands and I feel blessed to be able to have the family that I do have. I'm certain we'll have another kid when the time is right. Steve and I were saying how we think our family is the BOMB. I love the dynamics we have created and love the time I get to spend with them. Katy knows who's boss but she also knows we can have a rip roarin' crazy fun time. Steve was saying that he wants our kids to feel that we are their best friends....without trying to be the "best friend". We want to create a place our kids want to be because they have such a good time with us. We want our kids to feel like they can come and talk to us about anything. So that's what we are going to continue to do in the meantime, have a great time with our BOMB DIGETY family!

Thank you for all the love and support of our family and friends. You guys are awesome...we have truly felt loved and appreciate all you have done for us! Let's see what August has in store for us....

Photo taken on iPhone up at dog lake, July.